Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. No mutual friends? I'm not adding you!

   Opening the wrong kitchen cupboard and drowning in a "Bag for life" tsunami

   france, you couldn't b more a dįčk. Banning little girls from school for dressing modest. There is a special place in hêl1 for you

   CAN I JUST GET A DAMM CUP OF COFFEE?

   My life is like a good woman. It really scuks.

   The disregard of tiny complex minds is the best response….

   Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they said *how* the person died.

   If I ever leave this country(Nigeria) and anybody asks, I'm denying under oath that I'm Nigerian.

   hehe every needs to laugh once a day to stay healthy

   i speak fluen deutsch

   "You are the sun and I the moon. I am the sea to your shore. In your arms I've finally found the love I was searching for."

   that awkard moment when your at the club using all the moves you learned from Just Dance,Dance Central, and Micheal Jackson's the Experience on the dancefloor...

   My wife says "Its uncomfortable going to the new OB. My legs are wide open 3 min after we meet." I said, So do 99% of the girls on Craigslist.

   Casey Anthony didn't even get a slap on the hand. She did however get her fingers dirty by getting fingerprinted.

   I had just sat down when I discovered that I needed toilet paper!

   This is for chicks with big mouthes: I have three wishes for you I wish, I wish, I wish you would bit&*!!

   The feeling when you leave behind something and realize it only when its too late

   soooooo high.. that he/she can hear heaven )O.o(

   The mailman comes in any weather, because his bag is made of leather.

   Later on that night after Greyson was born Andrew and I were sitting alone..and he started to weep..and I asked him why...and he said "I'm scared..how do I explain to my son about Milli Vanilli" and I hugged him and told him God will help him find a way..