Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   redneck version of ChromeBook ....go to the library & get a book....wrap duct tape all over the covers....you chromed your book

   the man in the moon is so embarrassed....look how red he is

   I thought my mom forgot about Dre until she showed up at the beach wearing nuthin but a g-strang.

   Here's a list of people who have time for that - 1) Nobdy

   Playing Trivia Crack. The question was, "What is the irrational fear of elevators? In hindsight Rice-traphobia is obviously wrong.

   I think the next time I have to tell my teenager to do something they don't want to do, I'll play a catchy 80s tune like the pharmaceutical commercials.

   Giving me a Miilkbone after sex does not make it "doggy style"

   Just wondering how the Monkeys got infected with the Human Immunodeficiency Virus, in the first place

   If you use any of these terms, "Hi, Guy"-"My Hubby/Wifey" or "Veggies"...go fark yourself.

   Callous: adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

   Sex Ed teacher: Class today we will start on the birds and the bees. Today is bees. *opens hive, unleashing an angry swarm of bees*... Locks us in

   I think God give us children so that death doesn't come as a surprise!

   Wait what about Niki Minaj in the 2000's....okay nevermind

   Thanksgiving: "Let's give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let's get all new stuff” MERICA!!!

   you should make a barbecue of a rude guest.

   I really jacked-up my back today playing golf today, I fell off the ball washing machine

   I came so hard last night even Alexa had a smoke

   Merry hammered people! I'm Christmas!

   Most gay couples don't have children of their own. You can't really cabby legitimately use that to argue your homophobic argument.

   Damn girl are you the new Superman movie? Cause I have no interest in seeing you.