Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I clear sign that the recession isn't over I just drove past a cat holding a homeless sign WTF???

   annoying heat; it's not the heat, its the stupidity...

   going to go camping at North Korea State Beach and play a great camping game of Hide-and-keep-hiding!

   trying to find Osama is like trying to find Waldo....I give up.

   A traveling medical marijuana clinic was forced to shut down. The driver kept stopping at every McDonalds.

   taking a leak of faith..after this 2 and a half hr movie - Inception..

   Dang Kobe, first Artest and now Matt Barnes!? Talk about keeping ur friends close and ur enemies closer! Lol

   Just spent several minutes looking at photos of Gwyneth Paltrow in a bikini. Now I'm going to cure cancer...

   What's this bullsh*t that Pandora is telling me that I've gone over my free music listening privileges for the month and now I have to pay a fee to listen some more?!?! This is America! And in America, Pandora should be free no matter how much you use it!

   the doctor said pops has sugar in his urine now we cant stop him from peeing on his cornflakes.

   I'm hosting a rave in Rome, Italy. What a Riot!

   Only Till Facebook came Along Did We Realize How Much We All Like.

   I was trying to bribe the dog on my way home. But he just stared at me then lie upside down, wiggles his tail and leave. I guess, language barrier is the reason...

   Babies have big heads and big eyes, and tiny little bodies with tiny little arms and legs. So did the aliens at Roswell! I rest my case.

   survey: Would you rather be a ginormous hampster or a tiny rhinocerous?

   thinking it must be Thursday, Larry King is getting divorsed

   May 4th is Star Wars Day. I hear to celebrate you have to go back to your parent's basement, spend all night alone in a costume, then retreat under the covers with a wookie photo, two cinnabuns, and a flashlight.

   I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at prisons and wait for parolees.

   'Me and my shadow' my @ss...whenever I get caught, that b!tch runs!

   why can't we just get a big pair of pliers and crimp that oil leak shut??