Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Whats with this SONG POP thing everyone is doing and what does it taste like???

   Lance Armstrong uses performance enhancing drugs to win races... I use performance enhancing drugs to write Posts... Should we be penalized?

   Why is it that I am just realizing that Joey and Chandler did not have a sink in their apartment?

   Any other use of this status or any pictures, descriptions, or accounts of the status without the NFL's consent is prohibited

   not many people know that Albert Einstein had a brother that an evil scientist used to experiment on. His name was FrankEinstein

   A chinese delivery man just dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch timing Mr. Wong!!!

   Bruno Mars was busted for Coccaine in the Bathroom with ANOTHER MAN!!....HMMMMM I wonder if they were playing '"SWORD FIGHT?" Bwahahaaa!!! LOL!

   The Killer in me is the Killer in you.

   patrick swayze sang she's like the wind. On the way to work this morning the wind blew me all over the road.... if only patricks song were more true.

   OMG, you drink near beer? That's like when my sister circled all the Waldo's in my "Where's Waldo Book?" totally worthless and not enjoyable.

   If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

   A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

   A Bachelor is one who never chases a woman he couldn't outrun.

   so for you Toyota drivers.... if you get pulled over for speeding all you have to say to the officer.... Have you watched the news lately?

   What the Health Care Reform really means: OLD PEOPLE MAGAZINES IN THE DOCTORS OFFICE -- This can't be good!

   "You want the booth?!? You can't handle the booth!" Jack Nicholson working at Perkins

   I love burritos at four a.m. Parties that never end. I love quarterbacks eating dirt Pom-poms and short skirts And...and twins!"

   I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.

   I'm gonna build a fence, how do I get my neighbors to pay for it? Asking for a friend

   Enjoy your last Independence Day before it's renamed Trump Day.