Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Opinions are like as sholes. I only listen to mine. 
Nothing says "Virgin" like having a score of above a million on temple run.
maybe you're suffering from O.D.D. Obnoxious Drunk Disorder....Ok, now lets do body shots!
thank goodness for sky plus, now when I watch Comic Relief - I really can go "shut up and die quickly" every time I fast forward
I know its St Patricks Day but...No green beer for me..I like my beer Yellow ..goin in and coming out!!!
My butler says I live in a fantasy world.
"Im not materialistic or superficial".....says the girl who goes shopping to cheer her up
How she gonna wake up and not love me no more? I thought I was the ass-hole in this relationship, I guess its rubbing off.
Show everyone what you're made of...with your clothes on.
Your wise words bring out your stupidity.
Since when has being cheap counted as "empowerment"?...Hey, I'm all for getting in touch with the "inner goddess" by pole dancing you're way to "new you", but you can't get lobster thermidore out of a can of tuna. Get a life."
Has anyone seen my shake weight?
alcohol turns people into the little engine that could...i think I can, I think I can
Let's tell people what to do with their lives and ignore our own problems.
When I say I'm going to "woo" you, it's a reference to my love for John Woo films, so I'll be punching you & throwing doves in your face.
I want a restraining order against every spiders.
Nah you don't deserve credits or being "beautiful" if yet it is obvious you had a good make up artist and a great photographer...
would you say I have anger issues if everytime the "Wendy's girl" comes on tv I wanna rip my tv off the wall and throw it out on my front lawn and then set fire to it?
Fortune cookie said to go ahead with any new schemes. Dining and ditching then seemed justifiable.Why dish it out if you cant take it Mings?
It would suck if the world ended tomorrow simply because Jersey Shore's last episode is tonight!! No more Snookie!! 