Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Life always play with us, when we are helpless..!!!

   I know I am not the most manly guy around but I hate being called b!tch by a woman.

   wondering if it is weird to hold a conversation with the guy in you head.... "No Billy, I'm not talking about you."

   they got him in a mansion.. but I'll bet anything he was in the basement.. AKA man-"cave"

   Too effin bad that Jack Bauer doesn't work for US govt. He would've caught hold of Laden in 24 hours!

   You know when you watch children to much when you think news channel and punch in cartoon channel.

   Watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer...I'm sorry but I'm a sick, sick woman. I can't stop!

   Whats the over/under on mentions of Favre during tonight's broadcast? Ah, it doesn't matter I'll take the over on that regardless. Its nearly a sure thing. .

   Damn you advertise commercial that "Big Time Rush ft Snoop Dogg -Boy Friend" Imvoluntary stuck on repeat in my Head....!!!

   If something is important enough in my life, it will be denoted by the fact I created an itunes playlist to represent it.

   If I talk really loud like that I could make you look like a bad guy too

   Being hungover is like eating a hot pocket. It starts off well and then you spend the rest of the night in the bathroom wondering how much crap can really come out.

   ,Random is random. I do not know what random means. If your teacher asks you what is random, tell her random is random when it is random into random and random with bananas.

   I'm so high,I'm jamming with Hendrix and Prince .

   My girl has the crabs, I suggested fishnet stockings.

   Why is it friggen up if you put in a twitter neam

   Dammit .... I already broke my New Years Resolution

   Sorry Boss, I can't work I've got too much on my plate right now. You'll have to ask someone else. *Googles 'do koalas go to heaven'*

   I can't believe it's not February 29! What happened to February 29!?

   If any toys in Toy story died the kids would keep playing with them but the other toys would be playing with their dead friends.......creepy