Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Columbia House called, You still have to buy 4 LP’s at regular price.

   the news asks why people would join IS? one word - obama

   So I was in the pool and a woman walked by and said, "I see you like playing with things that are round and buoyant." I said, "Not necessarily, I couldn't find a float." She said, "I was talking to the beach ball."

   Dear 2016, for the love of all that's holy... Please take Donald Trump too..

   This pollen got me feeling like George Floyd.

   Yeah the israelis want peace alright...a piece of more land.

   I'm currently in the process of getting my groove back. Please standby!

   The best part about diet and exercise plans is the research phase. Which is why I stop there

   Breaking News: Trump screams at Mike Pence for not praying hard enough to make Biden lose.

   I’m proud that my kids can see our current First Lady naked when they google her. So beautiful!

   Everything that my lip balm is, I want to be. Rich, Hydrating, and Age-Defying.

   just watched Titanic backwards. Jack floats to the top, the boat glues itself together, Rose puts her clothes on and every sails happily back home.

   WHAT?!?! Gary Coleman is dead?! What'choo talkin' 'bout, Willis?!?!?!

   damn I hope Prince William is Secretly gay. That will split that snooty ass family apart..

   A wise man once told me, "You are not the father"! Thanks Maury!

   We need a homosexual, aetheist President with the economic and foreign affairs views of Ron Paul.

   I'm starting to realize that Facebook has made more changes than Obama

   I'm not sure who needs to hear this but Walmart sells Father's Day cards in packs of five.

   In response to recent rape allegations, TV Land has pulled all episodes of the Cosby Show off the air. My life is ruined.

   when you heard a jet overhead this past two weeks, were you looking to see if was Malaysian Airlines 370?