Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   would Anne Frank be famous if she had been a facebook user?

   Anyone else hates when they see the word *sigh* rewritten in any Status/IM/Email/ Text whatever?

   Discovery Channel - Conspiracies and Myths "Finding The Tooth Fairy" is on...... I hope they find her, that biotch still owes me money from when I was 6.

   What??? You want me to travel to Manila to pick up some envelopes??

   I don't another superpower... When I lift my son to let his hand touch the ceiling,, I see it in his eyes.

   Believe in God like y’all believe in that Toilet paper and y’all will be Ok..🤧

   What is another name for a farting contest? A wind-wind situation!

   I quit smoking cold turkey. And I quit drinking cold duck.

   Girl who pushed friend off bridge Is charged after new footage emerges. This would have been prevented if the victim had a gun.

   This girl I know said she has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207

   "I'm sorry to burden you with letting you know of my death, Mrs. Cleaver. But may I say that is a lovely dress you're wearing today." - Eddie Haskell

   Melania's first English words were "You like? You like?" While giving a guy a lap dance.

   It's a good thing Peter Parker was bitten by a spider on his arm rather than his ass. Otherwise he would blow a spiderweb out of his butthole every time he farted.

   It took me 2 and a half years of feeding my cat to realize I don't own a cat..

   This is nothing but a witch hunt. Since when is colluding with Russia a federal crime?

   I was once bitten by a rattlesnake. After three days of painful suffering and writhing in agony it finally died.

   I didn't get the memo. When do we start hating on Stone Cold Steve Austin, since he gave the Stone Cold Stunner to our lord and savior, Trump?

   It's not easy being orange.

   Just read that Bill Belichick talked to the Red Sox today. Topic must have been: How to lose to New York.

   Well it's here again..Belly Button week on FB, post a pic of your belly button as your profile...remember, no matter if it's an "inny" or an "outie", lint is welcomed!!