Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   won't take no for an answer. Unless the answer he wants is no, then he will take no for an answer.

   as confused as Ray Charles with a Where's Waldo book

   Ross: You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half *pure evil*!

   his wife is a good cook...she makes the best damn ice cubes he has ever had

   I like the word "Replacement". It's more fun 'n much better than dealing with BS! Just sayin'

   My old man, I told him I'm tired of running around in circles. So he nailed my other foot to the floor.

   never realized how sleep deprivation could make me think more bazarrely (is that a word?) than abnormal...thinking outside the dimension !

   If you don't like the way I drive, you can either sit in the seat next to me and encourage me forward while holding on, you can sit in the back seat and STFU, or you can get the fook out.

   It's "Do The Right Thing" hot out there today

   changing her/his diaper

   In Cincinnati, a women gave birth to two 10-pound baby boys. The kids are named Strech and Mark.

   I just ate at a restaurant called, "5 guys burgers & fries" the food was great. How come there's only 2 guys working? This is false advertisement...

   For Mel Gibson, how does every black joke start? By looking over his shoulder

   I'm only adding you to make my friends list look bigger.

   hey it`s Friday , lets get pissed !

   I get drunk and bid on ebay!

   's is big. (Or maybe she said that to make me feel good.)

   taking joy in the fact that his ex girlfriend just got married and that her first name combined with her new last name results in a really funny name that others will ve sure to make fun of.

   Ooh crap! It's been over four hours.I'm grabing the video camera!

   I'm the architect of my present not an artifact of the lost and forgotten past...