Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   silence is golden, but duct tape is silver

   just sayin....just sayin...just sayin....just sayin...there ya go cry baby...go whine somewhere else...just sayin...just sayin....just sayin...

   How come Obama doesn't eat pickles? because he can't get his head in the jar...

   The worst part about watching Fox Network are all the commercials for $hitty shows on Fox.

   Tattoos: Nothing like a permanent disfigurement to satisfy the whims of fashion.

   I was driving home the other day and saw the most beautiful rainbow, and then I had the disturbing thought, that gay people use this symbol to recognize each other. I think that is Ghey...

   the military is the best at creating oxymorons...i.e. "friendly fire" or "military intelligence".

   Fact of the day... no such thing as an American site unless the website is about America. Football is what's going on in the World Cup... England will wake up and beat Slovenia: Fact!

   taken by elves and is now fighting the forces of healthy produce with my lollipop of justice Ahhhhhhhh! A broccoli with problems is in the area I repeat a broccoli with problems is in the area please quickly run for cover!

   I'm looking for 11,780 point for my sports team because I know in my heart they won.

   only whites work around here..darn mexicans, and blacks

   FYI : The "Supreme Court" is just the "regular court",, served with sour cream and tomatoes

   Halloween - the one day of the year peadophiles get home delivery

   After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.

   You can wear a t-shirt that says Archaeologist and just start digging holes wherever. Nobody will stop you

   Things that interrupt sex: 20s: drunk roommate walks in on you 30s: kids walk in on you 40s: spouse walks in on you 50s: foot cramp

   Do you like apples? You do? Well....shut up.

   know why McDonald's restaurants always smell so bad? 'cause the people that eat there poop there.

   ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ

   thinks Michael's heart: just couldn't Beat It . . . too soon? too soon?