Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   can we pretend that helicopter in are night sky is not following me, I really wish I hadn't bought that weed, bought of weed...

   So far this year we've had 6 Earthquakes with magnitude of 7.0 and up! Now we have the Iceland volcano that has shut down most of air travel in Europe. What is next?

   "Throwing acid is wrong - in some people's eyes."

   I didnt fall for you...i tripped and fell cause your to ugly!!

   I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world. ~ Georges Duhamel (1884 - 1966)

   if at first you don't succeed, try again until you bleed

   you have the voice of angel, you sound like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

   preshents to you the ballishtic missile shubmarine Red October

   Good girls go to heaven , Bad girls go everywhere!

   $14.97 cents of hotness. Which means that although my good looks cannot pay my bills they certainly can pay for a pizza which will give me $14.95 cents of temporary gratification and 2 cents to tell you off!

   To all the women around the world...Happy International Women's Day!

   The creator of Marhall amplifiers just passed away. I was surprised he was still alive. I thought he only went to '11...

   *Year 2050* Son: “Dad how did you meet mom?” Dad: “Aaah my son… It all started with a Poke on Facebook”.

   I found a video of my parents having sex on their computer, I was sickened. But not as sickened as when I got a hard-on.

   SWAG= Stupid. Wack . Ass. Gangsta'

   Captain dislike came through and hated all the funny things he cant come up with... some one get the bad news bear some f**kin honey

   thinking.......We should be able to text 911, in case were hiding from a cereal killer and don't want them to hear us. 0.o

   "Explain __ in your own words." Ok, ahdjej ejeodokm eiaian eushna fuueoa,

   How to get laid: Lay on bed. Wait 1 hour. Lay becomes past tense.

   I’m not going to judge you if you don't like football because of whatever moronic reason you think you have in your clueless head.