Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why does my bf have to lift up his leg everytime he's about to fart!?

   The best reason for being Italian is so that you can braid your girlfriends armpit hair!!!

   I don't think I'll have the confidence in someone closing up our border when that person can't close an umbrella properly.

   a date with 2 Girls from 1 Cup

   stuck in second gear.

   caught the chills while peeing.......thank goodness my wife bought these decorative bath towels

   I'd like to buy the world a Coke and keep it company.

   Do any of you read? I was reading the Edgar Allen Poe and there is this guy and he is the devil and there is this other guy and the devil says "I am gonna kill you now" and I don't know but it was really good!

   can we pretend that helicopter in are night sky is not following me, I really wish I hadn't bought that weed, bought of weed...

   So far this year we've had 6 Earthquakes with magnitude of 7.0 and up! Now we have the Iceland volcano that has shut down most of air travel in Europe. What is next?

   "Throwing acid is wrong - in some people's eyes."

   I didnt fall for you...i tripped and fell cause your to ugly!!

   I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world. ~ Georges Duhamel (1884 - 1966)

   if at first you don't succeed, try again until you bleed

   you have the voice of angel, you sound like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

   preshents to you the ballishtic missile shubmarine Red October

   Good girls go to heaven , Bad girls go everywhere!

   $14.97 cents of hotness. Which means that although my good looks cannot pay my bills they certainly can pay for a pizza which will give me $14.95 cents of temporary gratification and 2 cents to tell you off!

   To all the women around the world...Happy International Women's Day!

   The creator of Marhall amplifiers just passed away. I was surprised he was still alive. I thought he only went to '11...