Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ..is anyone hungry for cat food? I know Iam!

   lets be REAL with ourselves.....if you say "no homo" after your sentence...ummm your homo

   thought a ipad was some sort of feminine hygiene product

   Recently the man who wrote the song "The Hokey Pokey" passed away at the age of 104. His last words were, "I can't believe that's what it's all about."

   has just heard that many stars have been approached to pledge money and support to the victims of the Haiti Earthquake. However, rumours that Will Smith is to re-release`Boom Shake The Room` in aid of the victims have not been confirmed.

   i bet after sex that girl smokes a ham instead of a cigarette! ughh

   Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly far far far away from here...

   Apaprnelty hmoosxeulas aer teh olny oens brililnat ni unscarbmlnig snetneces leki thsi.

   * He more of a fearleader than a cheerleader.

   Watching this Sarah Palin Rally for Trump:....Did this chick use the words 'Bequested' and 'Pusssyfooting' as verbs??? OMG...SNL rating is going to go thru the roof!!! ....

   I heard that crooked ship stuck in the Suez Canal has the crooked Biden family's money laundered millions from corrupt business dealings and pay to play schemes on board.

   I don't care if you like Trump, just don't be like him and hate all non white races.

   In my family, we settle all disputes by pointing out the other’s short comings and failures and whoever starts crying first loses.

   *First day as a missing person* Wife: Hello police? Yeah call it off he was just in the shower.

   I certainly hope Donald Trump Jr chokes on a handful of Skittles.

   Love is me pooping while she brushes her teeth, and when she starts to leave I say "but wait, there's more" and splash another log. We laugh

   wonders why people fart and waste, when you can burp and taste....

   Don't you just hate it when you hop out the shower & the first thing you feel is that" I have to doo doo feeling " I swear poop has no respect at all !!!!

   smoking crack with his pet monkey

   What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!