Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Man: "I just sent you a fax. Could you fax that back, it was my only copy. Receptionist: Sure thing!!

   why is my imaginary friend SO good at hide and seek?

   watching this fly as it keeps flying into the window........................heh heh heh.......stupid fly

   sorry I'm drunk and I posted the same status twice....oopsy!

   Whenever I see you, I remember the song "Just the way you are" and the movie "2012". When I see your face… it's the end of the world.

   ;( Yep, winking AND frowning. Your mind = blown.

   A lady is like a piano...If not upright she is grand

   I swear I have more hair on the left side of my head. That's weird.

   Just Ferdette About It.... Teach Me How To Jimmer

   Women are like cell phones. They love to be held, talked to, and handled with care. But if you hit the wrong button, they'll disconnect you in a heartbeat...

   Extreme Couponing O:

   I just thought of a quick way to spot a woman who is having that time of the month attitude problem! I call it the "Eye Pad!"

   I may not have fulfilled my dream of becoming a rock star just yet, but I will definitely make up for it one day by destroying a couple of keyboard while singing before I leave the office.

   Sometimes I can't blame these women for spying, stalking and researching on some of you men. Most of you be LMAO too much. LMAO as in Lying My A$$ Off.

   @ Justice -- executiion was delayed. Just because everyone said he "did it" doesn't mean he did.

   Feed the homless to the hungry and burn the elderly as an alternative fuel source.

   last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

   ______________is so gay, he is trying to drill a glory hole in his facebook wall.

   My tan has got a bit outta hand, the white man always called me indian squaw SNOOKI that's all I ever heard SNOOKI how I learned to hate the word SNOOKI she's no good they warned, the other children always laughed at me give her a grenade she's a SNOOKI

   Bloody speed cameras are a complete con. Not only do the photos take about five weeks to arrive, but they cost £75 a picture.