Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   This world would be slot nicer if your parents didn't have kids

   first 10 people to hit me up at 2:30 am sunday gets a free airfare roundtrip airfare

   Brooklyn was conceived in brooklyn, Romeo in rome, Cruz on a cruise and harper 7 conceived on 7 pints of harp

   Who will go down in history as the best HIDE AND GO SEEK player....Bin Laden or Casey Anthony?

   I was nothing when I met you and I will be less than nothing without you. I know loving me is a hard job, but somebody has got to do it.

   "Fei Fei Sun.. She is Chinese" oh, really? It sounded so European to me!!

   im not much for masterbation but it did go off once while cleaning it

   Damnit GeoCities has closed. Now where can I go to find a poorly designed website devoted to Ghostbusters movie quotes?

   • Where does a woman put perfume? Where she wish to be kissed.

   Hans Solo changed his name to Hans TooLow today! too soon?

   May the sweat of a billion camels invade your crouch and armpits and the smell of a million skunks invade your breath!

   The good news is, I blocked the creepy guy. The bad news is, I'm writing this status from inside his trunk.

   A Bagel: A roll with a hole. A F@t Girl: A hole with a roll.

   My FB movie is just 10 years of life kicking my in the balls...

   How does Ice T order an iced tea without sounding like a douche?

   Destroy you're Ex by calling them you're previous Ex next time you bump into them.

   People who have more than 10 items in the express line… Well Fu#k you to

   If you're a good enough cook, fat people will let you pet them while they're eating.

   Make sure the important people in your life know how important they are before it’s too late.

   Kim Kardashian in a fender bender REAR ENDER!! obviously nobody hurt!! Air bag went off but then again Kanye always does!