Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Santa, yea I was naughty this year ..and it was worth it, you fat, judgmental b*stard!

   you know, you all should have went out and voted for Hillary... We damn near had the blacks back to picking cotton... smh

   Burn a body in a crematorium and you're "being respectful". . . Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence".

   Melania Trump to have first state dinner by herself. Hmmmmmm, interesting.....

   I don't think trump had any collusion with the russians...... He's not that smart.

   If Jesus really loved us, he would've turned the oceans into wine.

   Someone just told me that Obama has a concrete plan to solve all economic problems. Would you like to go iceskating? Because I'm pretty sure Hell just froze over...

   "Where can I get one of those gold necklaces with the T?" "That's a Cross..." "Across from what?"

   Ladies, always keep a V-8 in your car in case you're pulled over so you can pour it over your crotch & say "I need a tampon please let me go."

   sees that Toyota Prius are sponsoring the Georgian Luge Team

   My friends status said, "Suicidal, standing on the edge of a cliff"... So I poked him..

   Taco Tuesday is great and all, but I can't wait for Sloppy Sex Saturday.

   Just passed up an invite from the USA hockey team, to bring the gold in 2014. After checking my calendar, I have a hair cut appointment that conflicts.....Dammit!

   A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and asks, ‘You wanna play 'magic'?' She responds, ‘What's that?' He says, ‘Well we go  back to my place and  screw, and then you disappear!'

   the biggest thing on a woman's panties should be the tag!!!!!

   Australia has officially chnaged it's name to ATLANTIS

   see if you can be the lucky one to be the 200th to like this I'll start the ball rolling

   denial is only a river in egypt

   Supreme Court rules no Nativity scene in DC!!! The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States Capital this Christmas season.

   ive been wearing my boxer briefs backwards all day...btw guys,when using the restroom, dont use that easy access slot in the front the same way for the back side if you find yourself in the same situation..it doesnt end well!!