Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Whoever invented calories is gonna get their face f***ed with ice cream cake.. .

   Hopeless you say !!! Nah, don't give up, some people live an entire life on hope....and guess what ?? They living fine.... :)

   Do you go down on the first date?.....oh wait this isn't Zoosk.

   I'm wondering which is worse; the fact i'm is talking to the toaster or the fact that the toaster is talking back

   APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key.

   the first rule of Sam's Club is that you will not admit that you were stupid enough to go there on Black Friday

   only in Texas, this time of the year, does the weather change so drastically that you are put in a situation where the downstairs a/c makes the upstairs heater come on...

   If the world didn't suck we'd all fall off

   Why does watching Twilight New Moon make me want to watch Teen Wolf!

   taliking to his wall. sssshhhh!!!!!!!

   Sorry, I'm into the "inflatable" type.

   dyslexic which means never having to say that you're yrros

   ------------is clearly convinced life is practically all about reading ------------------

   You can negotiate with a terrorist, not with a redhead.

   You're never more indignant in life than when you're shopping in a store that you feel is beneath you and one of the other customers mistakes you for an employee of that store.

   Family and friends know the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you've forgotten the words.

   theres so much more room for activites!!!

   Shocked Justin Bieber did not win a BET award.....don't worry Justin neither did Hanson, Nelson, or Hasseloff.

   ive taken my adarall and my xanax... I hear you but really dont care what your saying

   I'm having a healthy and nutritious Meal, and I'm washing it down with a healthy and nutritious BEER. This health food stuff is not as bad as I thought after all.