Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A buffalo was talking on his cell phone. He ends the conversation by saying "Yeah, well I have to cut this short. These roaming charges are killing me."

   So when the cable company calls you a C word, B word or AH you get free services? Call me an SOB and sign me up!!

   What do normal people do with their time?

   My dog drinks from the toilet. You might say he has a potty mouth.

   "iPhone" is a really terrible name considering how much I use it as a phone. That would be like calling my bed iSex.

   I dropped out of college after my sophomore year, so I get it half marathon runners.

   Liking on Facebook is definitely an addiction for some

   Sorry fro all teh typos. Whne it comse to texting, I'm all thumbs.

   "rages against the machine" but it's usually a fax machine or printer.

   ...the good news: the Rangers are going to the Finals!! the bad news: wrong Rangers :(

   misses the days of Mystery Google.

   why have rifles, bombs and guns when you can have the good oul fashioned snowball

   Updating your status at the gym burns a lot of calories.

   Everyone around me Getting Married OR Pregnant, But am getting DRUNK!

   I didn't realize Toyota was so LGBT friendly, but apparently the Tundra comes with an aluminum tranny.

   just made a Peanut Butter sandwich with some cashews. It was nuts

   Prove that lightning isn't wizards fighting. You can't.

   Shh! You never know who's listening....(although if you have a wireless microphone from a tv news station clipped to you, you should at least suspect that someone's listening)

   How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

     It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.