GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Dear scammers, please stop flirting with all the people on their Facebook pages. We are all beautiful and charming and we do not want to be your friend. You are annoying!
←Rate | 08-15-2024 09:39 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many divorced men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, because they don't get the house anyway.
←Rate | 11-03-2023 05:48 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please pray for my wife. Nothing is wrong with her. She's just married to me, and I am a lot.
←Rate | 05-25-2024 09:42 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon The world is getting too sensitive. Soon I won't be able to make fun of myself without people getting offended.
←Rate | 11-15-2023 09:25 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon BLOND: How much does that microwave cost? MANAGER: Sorry, we don't sell to blondes. BLOND: How did you know I was a natural blond? MANAGER: Because that's a TV.
←Rate | 09-25-2023 05:51 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon My ex just texted me, "Wish you were here". She does that every time she walks through a cemetery.
←Rate | 05-21-2024 05:43 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant "autumn", not the collapse of civilization.
←Rate | 08-29-2024 08:34 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage tip: When your wife asks what's on TV, do not say dust.
←Rate | 06-25-2024 08:37 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's amazing how Facebook can spot a fake post but can't spot a fake profile.
←Rate | 09-21-2024 07:10 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am the reason why Santa has a naughty list.
←Rate | 12-19-2022 15:39 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got a full tank of gas for $22. Granted it was for my lawn mower but I am trying to stay positive.
←Rate | 04-26-2024 06:01 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing brings neighbors together quite like cop cars in front of another neighbor's house.
←Rate | 08-22-2024 08:35 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Santa! Listen here! I'll keep eating my deer jerky while you give me what I want for Christmas or Rudolph is next. Make it happen fat man!
←Rate | 12-24-2022 15:58 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Procrastination really is a good thing. You always have something to do tomorrow, plus you have nothing to do today.
←Rate | 04-21-2024 05:43 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon First rule of family gatherings: Always bring your own vehicle so you can leave whenever you want.
←Rate | 12-10-2023 10:05 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Christmas and Thanksgiving should be at least 6 months apart. It's insane to see these people again so soon. Absurd.
←Rate | 12-04-2023 05:38 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I pay attention to who reacts on my posts, because as soon as I get rich I'm buying you all tacos.
←Rate | 08-02-2024 05:40 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do... It's because I missed my exit.
←Rate | 06-21-2024 06:02 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when teachers used to say, "You won't have a calculator everywhere you go?" Well, we showed them.
←Rate | 08-30-2024 06:33 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am the reason Santa has a naughty list.
←Rate | 12-03-2022 13:03 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  




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