CzovCzov Funny Status Messages

   No one calls you promiscuous because you have more than one beer

   Excuse me but my Brain Has Too Many Tabs Open right now.

   I must have been involved in some filthy debauchery last night, because when I woke up the Jesus statue in my bedroom was facing the wall.

   A romantic getaway but, just me and your best friend.

   I'm a member of the CSI - “Can't. Stand. Idiots.”

   The only thing that can spoil my holiday mood right now would be a direct debit order I completely forgot about.

   The only time I can't hold my liquor is when I have a bong in one hand and a lighter in the other.

   Unless you got cloned on new year's eve, please don't write: " new year, new me." It's not gonna end well.

   Why do men talk dirty? So they can wash their mouths out with beer.

   The opposite of being happy is being sober.

   it normal to vomit every time you imagine having sex with someone? Asking for myself.

   Majority of people prepared to die for their rights are also willing to lie to avoid their responsibilities.

   I'm so drunk I could watch Fox News.

   We're all adults here, you can say "p0rn" instead of "late night commercial"

   Opinions are like as sholes. I only listen to mine.

   how do you even tell your girlfriend you want armpit sex? “babe, there’s this thing, wait, hold on your arm, stop asking what I’m doing”

   Wait come back, I didn't mean it when I was just being myself.

   I can't tell what's currently doing worse, my love life or my bank account

   I tried being myself once... I got arrested.

   Sex so good you forget which species you are.