CzovCzov Funny Status Messages

   Women are as horny as men; they just hide their b0ners better.

   At 11:11 AM and PM today. It will be 11-11-11 11 11 and that doesn't mean sh!t. Carry on with your day folks.

   Seeking other people's approval is disapproving yourself.

   My girlfriend will never be able to satisfy my needs because what I need is a new girlfriend.

   You seem too lazy to file a restraining order. I like you.

   It's amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.

   In hindsight, naming my animal control business "I'll Pound That P ussy" wasn't a very good idea.

   Over a thousand people die in Africa because of Ebola they get 10minute news coverage , one Australian is suspected to have Ebola gets hours of news coverage

   How to trick an idiot → (Click here for more...)

   You're either with me or a murder victim.

   If you don't drink, you're boring and all your stories end the same way with, “and then I got home and went to sleep.”

   GUY: Babe, let's go to the zoo! GIRL: Sorry but I'm not ready to meet your family.

   Jerk off so hard your sperm dies of shaken baby syndrome.

   I've got 66 problems and one of them is that I'm upside down

   When you're truly beautiful you don't need to remind people in every other selfie caption.

   An intervention, but for your selfies.

   My wife's safe word: "Not-tonight-honey"

   Don't bite the hand that feeds you, unless you're on a diet.

   What do I have to do to get sent to your room?!

   I am just surprised your mouth isn't foot-shaped.