CzovCzov Funny Status Messages

   "Police! Open the door!" ... "Will you promise not to get mad?"

   I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.

   A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.

   Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.

   The three most read words in the world: I̶ ̶L̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ …NO! It's: “Made in China.”

   Remember when the only hatred that existed here was directed at Nickelback? Good times.

   The three magic words EVERY woman loves to hear, “You were right.”

   You could probably torture a woman by duct taping her mouth and making her apply mascara.

   My wife said "Good morning " and that's how the fight started.

   If you dance like no one's watching you, you will never get laid.

   Some guy at work just asked me if I was homosexual. His exact words were "Do you like Twilight?"

   It must have been very awkward for the guy who invented the tampon when he had to explain his invention to everyone else.

   I hope skinny jeans are going to be around for a while because I sure as hell can't get these things off.

   I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”

   So in America, at 18 you can die at war or be in a porno. But you have to wait another 3 years until you're allowed a beer?

   For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.

   Okay, I'll admit it. I just don't have the stamina required by most women. I mean, who can listen to a story for 40 minutes?

   Baby, if you are reading this. Can you please bring me a beer?

   My wife is upset, apparently I'm breathing wrong again.

   Oh for god sake, just fall in love with me already so I can stop acting normal.