CzovCzov Funny Status Messages

   It's Friday, Saturday's less hungover neighbor.

   Two chicks in one untagged Facebook profile picture? The account belongs to the ugly one.

   An Airline introduced a Special Package for Businessmen; “BUY YOUR TICKET AND GET ONE FREE FOR YOUR WIFE” After a year of great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking if they enjoyed the free tickets. All of them gave the same reply

   A Women's work is never done because she's too busy telling a Man how to do his work.

   Boy, they don't like when you go up for seconds at church.

   Planning to take my relationship to the next level this Valentine's day but I couldn't find a store that sells wedding rings for cats!

   I bet bunnies would be super-stoked if we introduced them to salad dressing.

   It's a good week to get an Oscar but not a good week to be an Oscar.

   90% of people who claim to have "come from the bottom" don't realise that they are still stuck at the bottom.

   Companies and money-hungry capitalists are ruining Facebook with their advertising and snooping.

   Sex is awesome as long as you don't accidenatlly catch or create anything.

   ME: “I’m totally over my ex” VODKA: “We’ll see about that”

   "It's okay." - Women, right before they spend 5hrs telling you why it isn't ok.

   When a mosquito bites you and it dies of alcohol poisoning you're doing something right

   I'm white but not "always bets against Floyd Mayweather and lose my money" white.

   Drink until the bottle is emptier than you.

   Only if some people knew how silly, stupid and ridiculous they look while holding a selfie stick...

   Buy her a time machine, because women love bringing up the past.

   Cmon kid, do or say something funny already. Daddy needs a new Facebook Status Update.

   “B*tch don't kill my vibe” – me talking to my phone battery.