JOser Funny Status Messages

   it 1 tap or 2 to request toilet paper from the next stall?

   I hate when people say "have a nice day." Like I'm gonna be in anguish later then think "Oh yeah, Truck Driver guy told me to have a nice day."

   Alert! User Error. Please replace user and press any key to continue.

   Whoever's in charge of telling old men when they have weird, long hairs growing out of their eyebrows/ears should be fired.

   I was just asked to touch base with a female co-worker on a project. I hope it's 2nd base...

   I'm so confused, I thought the Crip Walk was a marathon for gang members

   it's impossible to fool-proof anything because fools are so ingenious.

   Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement

   sick and is therefore listening to The Cure.

   America: We blow sh*t up better than the rest of yous funny-talkin' countries.

   Her bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that sh*t together with floss...

   I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it...

   In Amsterdam, everyone rides a bicycle and no one cares how excited you are to buy marijuana.

   If you kill two birds with one stone, ..you'd better be prepared for those damn PETA people to show up at your door.

   Can everyone who has an iPhone 4 stop talking about it until the rest of the world has them? Thanks.

   The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'

   has turned on Airplane mode on his Palm Pre, but so far it hasn't taken off.

   I'm on this insane diet. So far, I've lost my mind.

   I feel so bad for people who have $500,000,000. They can only call themselves millionaires, and yet they're still so far away from being billionaires.

   FACEBOOK ALERT: Lebron James is now in a relationship with Lebron James.