JOser Funny Status Messages

   A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine...

   Your Honor, please direct the witness to answer the question. I'll ask it once again. Why are you hitting yourself?

   It takes a real Phil Collins fan to name one of their children Sussudio. That child is destined to stutter.

   Giving this positive outlook thing the old college try. Which means I'll only try on Tuesdays and Thursdays after noon.

   every time Sarah Palin speaks, a moose dies...

   Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off...

   When I'm drunk and in the woods, I always have the urge to try to juggle squirrels.

   If a large group of lions is a Pride, what is a large group of housecats? Shame.

   Support your local record store today, because you can't roll a joint on a download b*tches.

   Conan O'Brien was on 60 Minutes this weekend . Jay Leno appeared 30 minutes in to take over due to 60 minutes "losing viewers and profits."

   My Hamster has a developed an issue. He slides money out of my wallet and eats it. Seriously! $40 this week, so far. Renaming him "Government".

   I am now home from what would have been a hard day had I done any work

   Never end a sentence with a preposition. Incorrect: Thongs crack me up. Correct: Thongs up me crack.

   Less work. More aholic.

   Yes, I know the muffin man, Why who wants to know?

   Google is really an undercover gambling addiction hence clicking "I'm Feeling Lucky" compulsively.

   F to the you to the C to the K pretty much sums up my day

   Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?

   I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry sh*t makes me feel like a p*ssy.

   it's canada day, so to all my canadian followers out there I say, "happy fourth of july in three days."