doc noland Funny Status Messages

   What the f needed cutting so urgently that people were running with scissors in the first place?

   Never tell a zombie that he looks like death warmed over

   I got the Moo-oo-ooves Like J. Edgar

   it just me or did anyone else notice that Bob Marley never looked like a "Bob."

   "Hey I just met you and this is crazy but here's my lumber so haul me maybe?" - Mexicans outside Home Depot.

   Honey Boo Boo's mother has a boyfriend. Lets all reflect on my life together.

   knows that arguing with you is like running a race in the Special Olympics, you might win but in the end your still a retard.

   It's always five o'clock in my liver

   Frankly Auto-correct, I am getting tired of your shirt!

   If you have eatin monkey brains right out of the skull, please brag about it

   Sometimes we must destroy something in order to rebuild it stronger, which is why drinking and liver regeneration are part of my regime.

   My stick figure family is just a burrito, a television, and a bottle of whiskey. Do they make those stickers?

   Oh yeah Morgan Freeman... My Olympic moment involved an open bar. I don't remember the details, but I needed stitches.

   Actually, when I asked if my hangover could get any worse, it was more of a rhetorical question than a challenge

   The only thing worse than trying to lose at badminton is trying at badminton.

   Manti Te'o watches Clint Eastwood speaking to an empty chair *nods approvingly*

   After deep thought and years of studying the language... Am I correct in thinking that zoom a zoom zoomin in a boom boom is indeed, penetrating a butthole?

   since I am unemployed I tell everyone "this is my Friday" all day everyday so at least I get some cheap thrill out of dying alone

   It's ironic that there's only one I in Forest Whitaker.

   I don't just think of them as my children, but also, God forbid, as a human shield.