Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   There’s now a song called Saturday by Rebecca Black. The silly ho is slowly trying to ruin all of the days of the week.

   *suddenly pulls away from kissing* "But really, how DO they signal for Batman during the day!?"

   Your tongue is the best alarm clock.

   If a man puts a vibrator to his ear he’ll hear how he’s not good in bed.

   A Facebook s tatus update so confusing you turn your radio down to read it.

   I hate it when I come across a couple urging in public but I missed the start and now don't know whose side I'm on.

   You look like the kind of person who replies to a meme with a meme

   Relationships? No, I prefer alcohol and pizza.

   I’m just here for the unsolicited parenting and relationship advice.

   Lonely, Sober and Miserable sound like the same sh*t to me.

   We men love two women; the one is the creation of our imagination and the other is not yet born.

   eating something immediately after brushing your teeth must be part of the things you do during recruitment as a terrorist.

   I sleep with a gun under my bed, in case someone breaks in and decides to throw clay pigeons into the air.

   The only person I wanna chat with is my dog.

   People who say stuff like "everyday is a new day" are also the same fools who say sh*t like "apples are fruits" and "women are humans"

   If you try to show me your family vacation photos I swear I'm going to report you to HR.

   Just finished writing a book for new parents called “You Just Made a Big Mistake.”

   -inventing vodka- who’s thirsty for yeast infected potato juice?

   I need Google street view in real-time for better stalking...Sorry I mean bird watching.

   My Dominatrix is so cruel and kinky, she makes me drink orange juice right after I brush my teeth.