Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Excuse me Miss, but your new hairstyle is making everyone uncomfortable.

   I didn't expect the friendzone to be so comfy.

   How to tell if a girls mad at you: 1. Shes telling you she's not mad at you.

   Look me in the lazy eye and tell me you love me. Other eye.

   Kristen Stewart is like if Internet Explorer was a person.

   I saw a man with a pony tail running down the street so I’m guessing there’s an angry iguana somewhere waiting to be fed its dinner.

   When one door opens, just hope that it’s the fridge and someone is about to bring you a beer.

   I don't post pics of my girl and me on social media for a good reason. What if someone calls her ugly and I have to dump her?

   Sorry I can't make it to your event. I came down with a bad case of I hate you.

   Let me stop you right there. You just made me think of a status.

   If you cry all the time, you will save money on a tear drop tattoo.

   I wonder if bank robbers have a safe word?

   Pro-tip: sadness is for people who are awake or sober.

   Throw a drink at Tomi Lahren? In this economy?

   Every time I try dating I get a new sister.

   I remember "The Simpsons" episode when Homer won a Grammy, then threw it into a dumpster. A bum picked it up, and even he didn't want it.

   Behind every man with great s tatus you pdates is either a beautiful woman who has inspired him or destroyed him.

   Compliments are for women. Accusations are for men.

   Relationship status: "Yeah, we can totally go out, but first, I need you to take this short spelling test."

   ME: *putting two and two together* yep. it’s definitely four