CzovCzov Funny Status Messages

   Laughter is the best medicine. But laugh for no reason and you need medicine.

   By leaving your bed, your chances of dying increases by 99%. It's science.

   Letsh Have Shex! - Horny Sean Connery

   The less people you chill with, the less drama you deal with.

   North Korea chose the right time to declare war on South Korea. With them releasing "Gangnam Style", no one is going to feel sorry for them.

   If you received a Christmas gift, but you didn't p ost a picture of it on your FB wall, did you really receive a gift?

   Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!

   Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I'm concerned.

   Well I don't want to date anyone that's ugly, but I also don't want to date anyone that's stupid. So I'm single.

   If you can't take a joke, don't walk around looking like one.

   You know sex is on the menu when she slingshots her bra across the room.

   The louder you make a women moan increases your chances of having a sandwich.

   Lord, I did as you asked and loved my neighbor. But now her husband is outside with a gun and… OMG NO STEVE I WAS DOING THE LORD'S WORK!!!

   My Spiritual and religious friends, I'll never go to church with you. My fit and Healthy friends, I'll never go to the gym with you. My Drunk and high friends, when and where?

   Apple CEO just came out today. I guess this explains why iPhone 6 bends.

   A woman without curves is like jeans without pockets. You just don't know where to put your hands.

   Ugly girls give excellent hand-jobs. Which is an actual stupid skill to have, considering a guy could just jerk himself off and avoid the ugly.

   Kanye's kid is gonna have a hard time understanding GPS instructions. GPS: "Turn North West." North West: "Yeah, but which way do I turn?"

   Behind every successful man is a woman, and behind her is me checking out her ass.

   My girlfriend says I shouldn't plan things so far in advance. Well, she's not my girlfriend yet.