CzovCzov Funny Status Messages

   Coffee to me is what a wand is to Harry Potter.

   Girls are not that complicated? Dude, girls are a jenga crossword puzzle combined with a Rubic’s cube strapped on a terrorist who is screaming you in a language you don’t understand.

   Real Music died in the early 90's.

   A gynaecologist is the only fool on earth who looks for problems in a place where others find pleasure.

   She lost her virginity in a high-stakes game of Just the Tip.

   "Kicking ass and forgetting names!" - Alzheimer's Fight Club

   With women, you can either be happy, or you can be right. Never both.

   Er, excuse me, Mr. Swagger, Either walk a little bit faster or buy a damn belt.

   "I wasn't that drunk." "Dude you logged into Myspace"

   I feel bad for deaf people until I remember Justin Bierber.

   Complain that you are bored and I will ignore you like I am busy.

   Don't give a girl your attention or she'll lose interest. If you don't give her attention someone else will. In conclusion, you're screwed.

   I get so emotional when you're not around. That emotion is called joy.

   I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

   My girl's father got mad at me, for writing my name in piss on the side of his house. I said "what about your daughter sir, it was her handwriting"

   “Ladies and gentlemen; we are gathered here today because SOMEBODY couldn't stay alive.” - This is why they don’t let me give speeches at funerals anymore.

   A restraining order is kinda like a love note right?

   Look, all I'm saying is, bears spend half of the year eating and the other half sleeping and they're doing alright.

   I live in a country where what doesn't kill you, makes off with your TV.

   How many "friend-zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they'll just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw.