Funny Status Messages

   •I have an amazing ability! I find objects just before people lose them. The police, however, call it theft.

   You would think old people would drive a lil faster...I mean its not like they have alot of time to waste..Right?

   You may think I'm a loser, but to my goldfich, I'm the god of flakes.

   My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him

   I see they have blocked the Internet in Egypt. No more online pyramid schemes then?

   The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

   thinks Diarrhea would be a beautiful name, if it didn't mean diarrhea.

   I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.

   It's so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning his nuts.

   was woken up again last night by the bulimic girl next door. I banged on the wall and shouted, "For f***s sake, keep it down!".

   Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me ;-)

   Does anyone else see the irony that the game "Monopoly" is made by one company?

   dressing up as antoine dodson for halloween. hide yo kids hide yo wife...

   nicotine patches are great !! stick one of each eye and you cant find your cigarettes..

   determined to break into the Porn Industry in 2010. I'm not going to listen this time to anyone who says I'm over qualified!

   In Taiwan, marine biologists have discovered a crab that they say looks just like a strawberry, and by "marine biologists," I mean two guys on mushrooms.

   It's Groundhog Day. But enough about the school menu.

   Party every day that begins with the letter T. Tuesday and Thursday? Nah, TODAY and TOMMOROW! :)

   ..wonders why is there a man in the bottom corner of her TV playing charades?

   You ever seen somebody so damn ugly the government should transfer their birthday to Halloween??....Yeah, me too.