CzovCzov Funny Status Messages

   The sexual tension was so thick you could cut it with a phone call from the wife.

   The only thing that's clear to me right now is Vodka.

   I'm at my most popular when I just want to be alone.

   Being funny is so much hotter than being hot.

   Kim Kardashian's fragrance smells like daddy issues.

   Dating tip: Never let your girlfriend know you’re good at something you hate doing.

   I enjoy people who actively participate in my insanity.

   I put a Justin Bieber's song as my alarm tone and it works wonders cuz I wake up before it goes off so I don't have to listen to that sh*t.

   There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.

   Nothing worse than getting drunk and slipping and falling into a relationship.

   Keep your woman close and your cell phone closer!

   I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.

   I asked my wife for advice once. Worst three days of my life.

   People are so rude to each other nowadays, that when one is nice and polite, it's considered a marriage proposal.

   For a rock only found in a planet that was destroyed, Superman must wonder where all his enemies keep finding kryptonite

   You can't trust anybody with the remote control these days

   Dance like its back in 1999 when no one had a camera phone.

   I just turned on the news and they said "The Occupiers are trying to figure out where to go to next." How about a job interview?

   On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.

   Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.