Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   "No, officer, I wasn't driving with my eyes closed. I'm part-Chinese."

   Don't threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.

   Give people who call with a private number a dose of their own medicine by knocking on their doors while wearing a mask.

   I bet you won’t judge the tattoos of the person saving your life.

   Could you imagine knowing someone interesting enough to actually want to talk on the phone? Me neither.

   I know its true love when I like you even when I'm sober.

   Twerking is the crocs of dancing.

   Don’t flatter yourself. I'm not attracted to you, this vodka I am drinking is.

   You're right, vodka. This IS the perfect time to use a hammer.

   If I wanted your opinion I would have married you.

   ME: Siri, where did my year go? SIRI: "See Facebook"

   Love isn't going to knock on your door, unless you fall in love with a Jehovah's Witness.

   Don't let anyone use Earth Day as an excuse to peer pressure you into going outside. Your couch and your bed are both located on Earth too.

   Home is where your neighbors see you walk around with no pants on.

   What I envy in women is their ability to argue without any valid points whatsoever and still claim victory.

   Business in the front, party in the back! Linda’s Accounting And Brothel Services.

   Oh the irony of these ugly and fat mother’s insisting and demanding that their sons only marry a woman who is beautiful and slender.

   Complicated, for two please.

   Lets not judge a whole race by the actions of one mad man. Race generalization must stop.

   Don't worry. My bedroom cameras are for research purposes only.