Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Let's just have sex.. I don't need another friend.

   My favorite Steven Seagull movie is Executive Decision because he dies in the first 15 minutes.

   True love means never having to pick just one hole.

   In hell, you have to pick just one person to have sex with for the rest of your life. Wait...

   The way this woman squealed when getting proposed to is the exact same reaction I had when I found out the restaurant serves 3lb. lobster.

   In Kanyes defense, you would be an a$$hole too if you had to hang out with Kanye all the time.

   I was wondering why my pants felt so comfortable till I realized they were still in the drawer.

   You can't fix stupid but you can avoid dating it.

   My neighbour's cat just menacingly hissed at me for stroking it. Now I finally know how married men feel.

   Every day that I don't die is the best day of my life.

   Sorry I vomited all over your inspirational status.

   Not to brag or anything, but my bank balance is over $100k (the k is silent).

   Pets are so easy to love. They are honest and react to kindness without wanting to know what's in your bank. Humans could take a lesson.

   Yes I'm a people person. Or as the authorities like to call me, human trafficker.

   If I fell and hit my head really hard maybe I'll go see the new Baywatch movie.

   People are so quick to think you smoke when they see a lighter in your room. Did you stop to think for a second that maybe, just maybe I use it to heat up heroin in my teaspoon Abigail?

   I should probably return these videos to Blockbuster.

   Avoid sharing your alcohol, by surrounding yourself with people that don't drink.

   A chatterbox is just a regular box that won't shut the fcuk up.

   There's a Black Friday sale at my house, pants are 100% off