Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   If you say Snoop Dogg's name three times in the mirror, your weed will disappear.

   I'm bored but not "correct people's grammar on Facebook" bored.

   I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn't work here.

   Show dominance on an airplane by calling the flight attendants bartenders.

   This girl at the bar is winking at me. Now she's using the other eye. Never mind, she's passing out.

   Women have designer purses because they need something stylish to carry their crazy in.

   Have as much sex as possible while you're still single. You can abstain when you get married.

   Someone called me lazy today I almost objected.

   The problem with alcohol is that that... it wears off.

   I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.

   I am bored .Think I will go to the mall, find a great parking spot and sit in my car with my reverse lights on .

   Samsung won't stop until they create a TV so curved it watches itself.

   What's cardio, and can I eat it?

   How to spot single girls: If you hit on her and a man beats you, she has a boyfriend. If you hit her and she pepper sprays you, she's single.

   Maybe if you tried educating yourself as much as you try getting those abs people will like you more.

   I smile at dogs more than I smile at people.

   Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.

   Animals that walk on two legs like humans should wear underwear.

   I don't chase after girls... unless I have my inhaler with me.

   Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.