doc noland Funny Status Messages

   Can we have a song about being happy that doesn't involve clapping?

   If Elmo is a kid toucher I'd hate to think what goes on down in Oscar's trash can

   I'm doing 'Angry Yoga' tonight. It's just lying on the floor drinking a bottle of whiskey as I shout at my man b00bs.

   Nothing says I can't pull out like a mini van.

   The Mayans were right. There will be no new year this year, first sign...D!ck Clark is dead.

   There is no angry way to say 'bubbles.'

   I call my lovemaking technique the "Bond Martini" because it leaves women shaken, not stirred.

   I bet the kids on Africa are really getting tired of all those leftover Patriots Championship t-shirts.

   Everyone loves "sexy mom" except her kids

   I bet Abraham Lincoln killing vampires isn't half as good as the movie I just made up about Bill Clinton beaver Destroyer.

   so...Is Will Smith movin' back in with his auntie and uncle in Bel-Air?

   ex girlfriend just told me that my immaturity erected a barrier between us...I have no idea what she's talking about, but its so funny that she said erected.

   I don't want anyone to feed my ego. I just want someone to put it in their mouth and do tongue tricks with it.

   once had his Ex crawling toward him on her hands and knees. The thing is, he was under the bed hiding and she was crawling toward him screaming "Come out and fight like a man!"

   I'm not clumsy. It's just that the floor hates me, the tables & chairs are bullies & the wall gets in the way.

   read tha Tiger Woods has a new Girlfriend who is 22 years old...does she not watch the news

   I guess "kick the bucket" will be the last think on my bucket list.

   If having the moves like Jagger entails prancing around like an electrocuted chicken then no, I do not have the moves like Jagger

   This girl just caught me staring at her, but I played it off by yelling “Cool wall behind that girl's head!”

   Just spent some time manscaping. Planning to donate to 'Locks for Love'.