Abbybaby34 Funny Status Messages
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It's amazing how much more money I have when I'm drunk.
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Can't wait 'til I'm old enough to pretend I can't hear.
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Dear Tostitos, make your dip jars shorter and wider so your chips can actually fit inside them. Thanks
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Maybe you should eat make-up so you can be pretty on the inside.
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If you shut off the Internet in the US, we'd overthrow the government within hours.
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If you think I talk too much, let me know. We can talk about it.
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There should be a 5 second rule when girls start to cry where you can take what you just said back.
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You're so annoying you should just wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry."
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My lady asked me if we could go out to somewhere expensive the other night, so I took her to the gas station.
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Hey West Coast, it's the East Coast. We checked it out for you, and today isn't worth getting up for. Go ahead and sleep in.
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Ever want to answer every question with a middle finger? That's kinda where I'm at today.
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I think when someone asks for advice they're really asking "want to start a debate?"
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My wife and I have are talking about renewing our vows. Or as I like to call it, getting a double life sentence.
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The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don't check their phone for 3 hours.
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If you really want to get to know someone, start arguing with them.
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"Just kidding" is just an excuse to not get in trouble for something that you really wanted to say all along.
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When people try extra hard to cover the keypad as they enter their pin at the ATM, I always want to whisper, "I saw it" when they're done.
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You can't have a relationship without any fights, but you can make your relationship worth the fight.
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Note to self: Never make a sarcastic remark to someone who is really angry, unless you're prepared to run like hell.
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You'd be amazed how often I'm wrong when people say guess what.
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