Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Now that Valentine's Day is over and cake candy and flowers are 50% off, if anyone's interested I'm single!

   I avoided the fat little chubby kid with wings carrying a weapon and marking myself safe after The Saint Valentine's Day Massacre.

   Just remembered that it's Halloween and won't be getting any trick-or-treaters this year, which is all good as I might need my fast food condiments to help survive the Coronavirus.

   Over the top, over the top, over the top. Stop with the Jan Brady already .

   millennial: I wish for death boomer genie: did you say debt millennial: no boomer genie: too late

   Whoever said "Rome wasn't built in a day" needed to log out of Facebook.

   we would like some pollen

   I think the word alimony should be spelled aliMOANy

   I would love to incite a fight after a UB40 concert.

   Hi, my name's Mike. Mike Unstinx.

   I think some of my friend's have substituted their prescription meds with Facebook to feel thankful during the holiday seasons.

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I need a valentine, how about you?

   My mom says hunnie your room is full of trash I be like mom my ex isn't here anymore

   Samsung galaxy S10 Will still Touch ground and break If it can't float on the air when I mistakenly drop it, I don't want

   Having babies is the solution to all of the world's problem? Sigh.

   If taking cat naps at work as often as I do had anything to do with it, then I'm pretty sure I can sleep my way to the top.

   A friend is typing..... A grand is typing..... A friend is typing..... A friend is typing..... A friend is typing..... Friend says lol

   Post Malone and Luke Combs could probably really do some permanent damage on peoples hearts if they wrote a song together

   Marriage tip #3: When you have to run some errands and your wife doesn't want to go with you, just grab yourself some Dunkin Donuts, don't get her any. When she asks why you didn't grab her anything, just say, "If you truly loved me, you would have gone w

   I must express appreciation to you just for rescuing me from this challenge. As a result of searching throughout the search engines and seeing advice that were not helpful, I believed my life was well over. Existing minus the approaches to the problems y