Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I've always been a night owl who likes to get up early. See my dilemma?

   Go jump in a lake! No I mean like literally, it's good to do on hot days like this.

   The thing I don't like about Twitter is don't give you enough room to write all your thoughts out and you always end up cutting short every sente

   Wonder why I'm such a night owl who who stays up all night?

   Ok guys Halloween is over take off your masks

   Time to lose a little weight from the holidays with my guaranteed to work weight loss program that's called "Log Out of Facebook"

   I got 352 likes Facebook post and somehow I feel I should get some sort of Facebook consolation prize, or something.

   The only change in my life is tha I'm consuming more food than before because nothings here to stop me

   I know I’m paranoid, but am I paranoid enough?

   What's with all the hearts on Facebook?

   Looking for meaningless likes and retweets? Post something about candy corn.

   Breast reduction is just another way a woman has to get something off her chest.

   Love Sunday bourbon but sometimes "message failed to send," is your four leaf clover

   My dating life has been so bad since the coronavirus I asked my Alexa if she could be my girlfriend who said no I like you but only as friends.

   Just watch the movie Tenet. It felt like a glorifed Back to the Future. Except with more plot holes.

   I probably would be celebrating St Valentine's today but I have scruples and can't forgive Madonna for dating that male dancer Ahlamalik Williams.

   Waiter: What would you like? Me: I’ll have the Double Deep Fried McMeme Supreme with extra spicy cream.

   Whoever discovered DNA, I hate that person so much. We can't even get away with crimes these days. This sucks ass!

   The problem with quotes by famous people you see on Facebook is you never know if they're authentic or not. Albert Einstein,

   I just want to make you hot. Mess your hair up. Get your blood flowing. When I chase you around the house over the last piece of pizza.