Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Remember when teachers used to say, "You won't have a calculator everywhere you go". Well, we showed them.

   What game do you wanna play... 'B@lls on Chin?'

   If Those "why does the military only get one day people" actually cared they'd mention it any other month otherthen pride

   If we use feathers to tickle each other, what do birds use?

   Meme caption

   Groceries are so high that Thanksgiving is looking like taco Thursday this year.

   My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday. It's ridiculous because I didn't even know it was her birthday.

   This Christmas instead of gifts I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

   Anyone under 6ft 4 who wants to use an Umbrella in a crowd should have to do a cour

   Before you mock children who still believe in Santa, remember there are still adults who believe everything they read on Facebook.

   Still scratching my head over the L-E-F-T taking the logical concept that is "meritocracy" and making it about R-A-C-E.

   I have no idea what a HD is but the doctor just told me I have 80 of them Fuckers.

   Reviving In Progress

   Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Don't forget to set your scales back 10 pounds.

   The 👎 blowboy needs a life.

   I upset my wife the other day. I accidentally passed her a glue stick instead of chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.

   'Sleepy Joe' oversaw the biggest stock and job gains in US history while 'the business genius' crashed it all in 45 days.

   Just here for the lefticle meltdowns... and it is glorious!

   When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting "Eye of the Tiger" for motivation.

   Give this a th*mbs down if you're in the m*g* cult and realize you've made a huge mistake and want out but now its too late lol