Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You can walk around Walmart and eat grapes and nobody bothers you, but as soon as you eat a rotisserie chicken, here comes security.

   It must be tough being born on April Fools' Day. You're never quite sure if people really mean it when they wish you 'Happy Birthday'.

   Like I said before: Newsflash, I'm not going anywhere. In fact, the more ignorant you get, the stronger I get. So it doesn't do you any good to keep trying to attack me.

   OF COURSE HE TWEETS AT 3 A.M. THAT'S 11 A.M. HERE IN MOSCOW, WHERE HE GETS HIS ORDERS FROM. Good dog.

   Proof that masculinity is becoming a lost attribute: Hooters files bankruptcy.

   How to distinguish 'crat women from 'publican. If they're disgusting, they're 'crat women. Thank you, and enjoy the buffet.

   If you want to know who GaryKoenig really is, go back to page 1 and there you'll find him. Same lame.

   There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.

   Head locked in gridlock, oozing through Flanders White kicker magic plants poppies of remembrance Popeye remembers a cycloptic monster 23 years late, 23 years late.

   passing away to margaritaville

   Common sense has been replaced by uncommon sense. Thank you, and enjoy the buffet.

   I can nott wait for poast today so I can give hundred tumbz doun whil play wit my dikc in my othur hand

   Old groupies never die. Their pussies merely dry up and wither away.

   What doesn’t kill you disappoints the rest of us.

   What is the noise you hear when it’s really quiet?

   I can never find my college Alma Mater's football games on TV. I attended FU. It's the only school that'd accept me. I graduated Smegma Cum Lordy.

   There'd be no reason to see a doctor if WebMD gave out prescriptions.

   Time travel is real, but you just don't know it,......yet

   I always go the extra mile but sometimes it's because I missed the exit.

   If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb