Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If ignorance is bliss, you must be ecstatic at all times.

   If swear, if I hear that term 'TOXIC MASCULINITY' one more time, I'm going to slap somebody!

   A shock absorber sounds like something you need for when you’re watching the news.

   A new rule at the office is if you cry you get sent home. Anyways, I can’t stop crying.

   What if we vaccinate a bunch of mosquitoes next Spring and release them?

   Sometimes I think Facebook needs a "Slap you in the Face" button.

   Don’t worry Greenland. One more bottle of whiskey and Pete Hegseth will text you the complete invasion plans 🤣

   I'M GOING TO NEED ELON MUSK TO SEND ME A LIST OF FIVE REASONS WHY HIS PATHETIC ROCKET FAILED FOR THE 8TH TIME

   Chickens: The only animals you eat before they're born AND after they're dead.

   People who cheat on their taxes disgust me...this is not the world I want to raise my 32 dependents in! 😉

   If I comment on your post “Nice filter, are you gonna block me?”

   Step 1: Go to a drive through. Step 2: Say "I'm sorry but I'm blind. Can you read the menu to me"? Step 3: See how long they'll read before realizing you can't drive if you're blind.

   If you're not Catholic. Kindly shut the f**k about the new Pope.

   I wouldn’t have to stash these leftovers in my bra if this dress had pockets

   Song Wrecker . Someone who you can't listen to a certain song without having a bad flashback to ?

   THE "BUT HER EMAILS" CROWD IS REAAAL QUIET RIGHT NOW. You're all like one big f'ing SNL skit LOL

   Just in case V_*nce didn’t get the memo - Greenland not for sale. So you can crawl the f*ck home with that creepy wife thing of yours.

   DOGE slashes billions more in expenses for programs like Peruvian climate change and gender equity in Me'jico

   A children's hospital in Texas is now treating children for vitamin A poisoning after RFK Jr. touted it as a measles treatment. Good! F*ck Lamericcan kids. Tubby, stupid, imbred little runts.

   Not only did Benjamin Franklin discover electricity, he was also our greatest president.