Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws, laying asphalt, or driving semi trucks and not laughing, swimming and dancing?

   Tip: There should be an observation deck at Walmart

   Cooking for 2 hours just to eat for 10 minutes is the biggest scam in the world.

   You'll hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because you saw that sign 2 miles ago like I did.

   Kyle Rittebhouse: "I'm going to Texas A & M" Texas A & M: "No, you're not!" lol

   Someday when scientists discover the center of the universe, a lot of people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them.

   heartaches

   Love the deli paper on the doctor’s table. Mmm I’m a sick little sandwich

   I think I finally found a diet that's really working for me! That's called The Rsing Cost Of Food.

   there a dark web site for black market Q-Tips? These new ones suck.

   Does anyone else have the urge to crank a hog when they enter a theater room?

   I like the word lefticles because not only does it sound like, but is also spelled almost identical to my two favourite things to suck on every night.

   Imbeciles on the left have zero idea that this drop is necessary to lower inflation. It's short term.

   Shout-out to everyone lying in bed just scrolling on their phone.

   Ever spent money so quickly that you felt like somebody stole it?

   Okay, so is Simone Biles done showing us her snatch? Can we please get to the Track & Field competitions now?

   The 13% crowd has traded George Floyd for Kendrick Lamar as their new hero.

   I think I figured it out. F*GA just love getting f*cked up the ass. They love it. Just bent over those barrels screaming "give it to me harder daddy".

   Dear Facebook, stop asking me what's on my mind. We both know it's against community standards.

   I wish they made a KFC scented air freshener so my car wouldn’t smell like Taco Bell all the time.