Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Squirrels always act like they just realized they left the oven on back in their tree

   Us Germans are pleading for you Amercians not to fall for Trumps and Elons tricks because we've seen it before and people are still saying we're overreacting. It's a shame. But good luck, because you will all need it.

   DOGE has found so much fraud that not a single person has been charged with fraud. And in case you were wondering? Yes. Melania's still a wh*re 😂

   My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers

   I have 3 Brazilian Wax Appointments for Tuesday afternoon. Inbox me for time. ❤️

   Hope you blokes are enjoying the extreamly cold weather. God knows you people deserve it.

   How many times does you know that we only have certain things in because you are not doing only what he wanted for who did you think about the twelve sheep in my yard are eating the boots inside out they need.

   Don't ask me how to change your clock. My Betamax has been blinking midnight since 1983.

   Oh Snap..Gonna miss the Oscars again. That will make 50 yrs. in a row now.

   Diddy didnt kill himself..... Oh wait...thats next weeks headline....

   Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena

   Fun fact..The pool on the Titanic still has water in it.

   Sometimes I don't feel like going to work... But then I remember I was born cute, not rich.

   I don't understand why people get in the left lane just to drive the speed limit. That lane is for crime.

   I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn't wear deodorant.

   Mansplaining is a correctile dysfunction.

   Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

   Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks

   Suddenly, people who can't pay back their student loans are now experts on tariffs and the stock market.

   If we tell people the brain is an app, maybe they’ll start using it.