Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Если ты до сих пор не понял, что мы русские и гордимся этим, то ты реально тупой 🇷🇺

   Today I took a good long honest look in the mirror and I did not like what I saw. (No I'm not feeling guilty about anything, I just look like crap.)

   Eli's coming, hide your hocker, Eli's coming, hide your hocker.

   big butt

   Deowent 12345

   My boss asked me to write down two things I liked about my job. Apparently lunch time and quitting time are not the right answers.

   Everybody's a little bit crazy... It's just that some of us aren't afraid to take it out for a walk in public.

   Lochore meadows

   Restaurant word

   What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes!

   Wall Street closed at 41,488.19 +674.62 on Friday. Keep clutching those pearls, ohh

   Just to recap, the "caught and convicted of trying to have s*x with kids" score for 2025 is - Rapeublicans more than 10 D*mocrats: 0 Drag Queens: 0

   I know you're Canadian, daddyf**ker.

   I bought a 15 pound turkey yesterday. He's fun to have around but he's kind of noisy.

   Hey guys, if you don't tell your woman she's beautiful, a Pakistani on Facebook will.

   The only reason there was a tiny bump on Wall Street on Friday was because U.S. investors were desperately looking for bargains at the end of a horrific week. Please don't post about Wall Street unless you know what you're actually talking about.

   RFK Jr. told people on F*x to use vitamin A & cod liver oil to prevent or cure measles. Now kids still have measles but they took so much vitamin A, hospitals are treating kids with liver damage. Funny! 😀

   Titan sun

   After an extremely tense argument with my wife, the house was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Things got a lot worse when I saw the grenade fly towards me.

   That wasn't a microphone that you dropped. That was a d*ck. Pick it up and keep sucking. Gotta earn that $5. Don't make your daughter do all the work 🤣