Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   After 40 years of marriage will gay guys call their spouse the old balls and chain?

   Q. What as 8 legs, bites, and lives in your butthole? A. A Brown Recluse spider.

   I am now challenging 3 million Facebook users too send me a 1.00 cashapp $MgTimTim

   I'm not a geologist so don't take me for granite.

   My high school math teacher died today. Feeling depressed, I never got to tell him he was wrong. I never used algebra, asshole!

   If you talk about others it's gossiping. If you talk about yourself it's called bragging. I guess there's still the weather !

   Fun fact... The pool on the Titanic still has water in it.

   Remember when teachers used to say, "You won't have a calculator everywhere you go". Well, we showed them.

   What game do you wanna play... 'B@lls on Chin?'

   If Those "why does the military only get one day people" actually cared they'd mention it any other month otherthen pride

   If we use feathers to tickle each other, what do birds use?

   Meme caption

   Groceries are so high that Thanksgiving is looking like taco Thursday this year.

   My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday. It's ridiculous because I didn't even know it was her birthday.

   This Christmas instead of gifts I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

   Anyone under 6ft 4 who wants to use an Umbrella in a crowd should have to do a cour

   Before you mock children who still believe in Santa, remember there are still adults who believe everything they read on Facebook.

   Still scratching my head over the L-E-F-T taking the logical concept that is "meritocracy" and making it about R-A-C-E.

   I have no idea what a HD is but the doctor just told me I have 80 of them Fuckers.

   Reviving In Progress