Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The least the anonymous GaryKoenig can do is serve everyone a glass of water with his dry jokes.

   70 % of the World is water, none of it carbonated, therefore the Earth is flat.

   What does it say for Climate when the NHL ice hockey playoffs are played during the Summer between one team in Florida and the other in the dessert?

   Where exactly do they find those hot women in the calendar on the wall behind the front counter at the mechanic's garage? Enquiring minds want to know.

   I told my supervisor I'm coming in on Halloween as a ghost. I'll be here, you just won't see me.

   I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol."

   Where I come from, we drive ourselves to court for driving without a license.

   SNL, Kimmel, Fallon, The Daily Show, Meyers, Colbert, Maher.... these are actually great television shows. Isn't it funny? That every late night talkshow or variety show, just makes fun of him and his minions? SO good 🤭 Not one is on his side.

   Oxygen was dicovered in 1977....

   can't believe I'm finally done.. wait I'm kidding!

   Does the term don't drop the soap in jail apply to women prisons?

   Where can I buy a loaf of that jammin' bread that I always hear about in the song..."Tea, a drink with jammin' bread?"

   Did you know that 1 out of 3 F*GA supporters are as stupid as the other 2? 😂

   BREAKING: Ed the Zebra spotted in Sunrise, FL. Witnesses say he distracted the Panthers long enough for the Oilers to sneak in an OT winner. Sources confirm he’s now demanding a Stanley Cup ring.

   The only thing I can fix in this world tonight is another drink.

   A cop asked if I'd had anything to drink, and I thought it would be amusing to do a little Sinatra for him. So I sang, "Beers. I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention." We laughed and gave each other a high five and now I'm in jail.

   How do you sleep at night knowing people don’t like u” Me: with the fan on high

   I need to watch it as I've started having road rage behind the wheel. But sometimes I get road rage walking behind people at the grocery store.

   I just want someone to take me out already. Whether that be on a date or with a shotgun, it's entirely up to you - I'm up for it.

   The only secure document in Washington DC seems to be the Epstein client list because dumdum is all over it.