Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Taylor Swift is worth $1.1 billion, yet you imbeciles let her live inside your skulls rent free.

   The boyhood home of Bill Clinton has been designated as a National Historic Site. It's great, but I hope it stops there. Because there are a million places that can say 'Bill Clinton Slept Here

   My ability to remember all of the lyrics from the 80s, Far exceeds my memory of why I just walked into the kitchen..

   Did my taxes and discovered I still owe Ukraine $4000.

   I'm so bored I decided to check out all my female friends' profiles. Some of you have the same boyfriend.

   I see…. and is "Hunter Bidens Laptop” in the room with us right now? now show us on the doll where the laptop touched you?

   If the girl don't Hucktuah,you don't need to talktuah!

   When I was a kid the guy across the street from us was in the Mob,really nice guy too,every morning he would pay me $10 just to start his car for him.

   Had an outline tattoo done on my shoulder and when my friends are sad I let them colour it in Everyone needs a shoulder to crayon…

   Rest assured, when we make fun of him and you? It's not because we're having a meltdown. We don't live in your country. It's because we're laughing at you. And it's funny to watch your reactions here. We're happy he won. It's great comedy. SO funny!

   With the way 2023 has been going I couldn't decide if wanted to sit outside to watch the meteorite shower or take cover.

   When it comes to jokes about elves, I'm a little short.

   I prefer Triamcinolone over Desitin for my abdominal fold rash.

   since twitter doubled the length of tweets, does that mean now I double the name? I'm gonna go post a tweet tweet

   I met a farmer who genetically altered a turkey legs. I asked him how it tasted. He said he didn't know. He couldn't catch it.

   A farmer friend of mine is really upset today. His wife sent him a Deere John letter.

   You’d think my hair would be a little more cooperative considering how many times I blow it per week.

   Hey, 'Crats. Congratulations on losing the election in Florida yesterday to the 'Publicans. We still control the House. Your party is over. Bye bye now.

   Wrapping some Christmas presents and just want to say that if any of you get a really nice pair of scissors from me I need them back.

   Trumps diaper could easily be seen through his pants today on the golf course. HILARIOUS!!!!