Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A School held a contest for 6th grade kids. the theme of the contest was, 'The Nicest Thing My Father Did For Me'.... The Winning kid said, "not wearing a condom...

   I'm getting nothing for my wall..... Congress keeps telling me no..... I'm getting nothing for my wall..... So congress, you can go to hell.

   :) Where there's a "WILL" there' a"WAY". Melania

   Music pumping!! a*s shaking!! Dirty dancing it feels like club making

   I have a gardener that'll do pretty much anything you ask of him. It's like having your own Personal Jesus

   I haven't seen this much white powder fall from the sky since I partied with scar face and he sneezed in his pile of coke.

   How come it's the flirty, married women who act all snarky jealous if you post a pic of yourself with another woman?

   I literally have no idea what day it is...zero

   You obviously did not see either Adama, Baltar, or Roislyn wearing glasses

   Of course you can use bacon grease as furniture polish. *licks coffee table*

   Janitors carry a lot of keys...too bad one of those isn't the Key to Success.

   The White House hosted its annual Hanukkah party and everything was going great until Biden pulled on a rabbi's beard and said, "You're not Santa."

   Hey Baby, are you hiding Opiates in your bra? 'Cause I see a Perky Set.

   Imagine the horror of being the first person to ever fart in a yoga class

   I live every day like it's Friday the 13th.

   Thank you to all the people who gave their lives figuring out which mushrooms we can and can’t eat.

   Folks crying about $4 a gallon gas while in line for $6 coffee.

   Tony Romo should seriously consider committing a Felony, He would be a hell of a Quarterback in a Penal League somewhere I bet... Hell of a Wide Receiver too...

   My only hope for April Fool's Day tomorrow is that Brandon announces this has all been a monumental prank.

   ahahahahaH !nothing at ... awesome you're think I that you tell to just trouble this of all through go you made I (NOW READ BACKWARDS)