Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if your password is your name, you deserve to be hacked

   sex a benefit of a relationship or is a relationship a benefit of sex?

   Beer, you and me. In the kitchen. Now.

   A man walks into a library and says, "I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology".

   Actions speak louder than words, but talk is cheap and you have to consider that in this economy.

   it just me or does Pink's new hair do make her look like Mo Howard?

   Oh. so we have to be all cryptic and call them "magic" brownies but we can come right out and say pot pie?

   I miss the days when makeup wasn't meant to be noticed

   Dave's girlfriend left him today. She said it was because Dave wouldn't stop talking in the third person.

   I guess more people saw the movie Casino than I thought. I always get strange looks when I recommend moving meetings to cornfields.

   When measuring your pen!s, you start from your prostate, right?

   Women are strange...before marriage they expect a man,after marriage they suspect the man,and after he dies they respect the man!

   I thought of something today, I wont ever do that again, it hurt.

   I only drink to make other people seem interesting.

   2010 winner of the JD Power awards for Satisfaction and Stamina !

   beer may not be the answer but it helps you forget the question

   You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

   ..to me, a Super Bowl is one that's full of snacks that I don't have to share.

   thinks if Senator Jim Bunning wants to make a point to US, reduce the pensions, Soc.Sec. and lifelong health benefits for politicians!!

   would like the PETA people not to have a cow because some people like to eat a good steak.