Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I just wish the light stays green at the intersection all day, today....

   Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs.

   there a deadbeat son-in-law of all bombs somewhere complaining about his mother-in-law of all bombs?

   I say, Tiffany Cormier has some pretty interesting things to say.

   "You complete me" ~ Me talking to my phone charger.

   When people say; I was thinking, Most weren't really.

   :) Fun fact: Coca cola (coke) and other cola drinks would be green if not for the caramel coloring they add to it.

   OK. So I danced like no one was watching. I need bail money.

   A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!

   Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.

   My awkward silences are just warm up for my awkward conversations.

   I'm so hungry that my stomach stopped growling. Now its just whimpering.

   I'm not saying Happy Holiday's to anyone this year, instead I'm saying Merry Christmas

   statistics show that 1 out of 20 of us live next door to a conivcted pedophile, not me though, I live next to two stunning 16 year olds.

   Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There's apparently more traffic going to hell!!!

   Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.

   a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said... don't do it man ... you will never here the end of it

   Kate Middleton Is Now Officially A MILF

   • My life. My choices. My mistakes. My lessons. Not your business.

   To make it straight, she pulls it. 2 make it stand, she rubs it. 2 make it stiff, she licks it. 2 let it “IN” she pushes it. !!!! True! Threading a needle is not easy!!!